ITINERARY

just received this email from nene.

Flight information

Sat, Nov 22, 2008 - Manila, Philippines (MNL) to Singapore, Singapore (SIN)
Singapore Airlines 0919 Depart: MNL 6:00 PM
Arrive: SIN 9:30 PM Non-stop
3h 30m

Flight: Confirmed

Sat, Nov 22, 2008 - Singapore, Singapore (SIN) to New York, NY (JFK)
Singapore Airlines 0026 Depart: SIN 11:55 PM
Arrive: JFK 11:05 AM 1-stop
21h 55m

Flight: Confirmed

so this is it. better go back to studying.

I'M SORRY

Im sorry if I made you cry.
Im sorry if tears fell from your eyes.
Im sorry if I hurt you,
But that was not at all what I intended to do.

But just remember,
For every tear that falls from your eyes,
Two tears fall from mine,
Two tears fall from mine,

I never wanted to hurt you baby,
I never wanted those tears to fall,
I never wanted to make you cry,
I guess I should have taken a little more time.......

(chorus...)

But just remember,
For every tear that falls from your eyes,
Two tears fall from mine,
For every tear that you cry,
Two tears fall from mine,
For every tear that you cry,
Two tears fall from mine



TWO TEARS. by HANSON.

KASARANG

they met at my apartment. she is a friend of my boyfriend's sister. he is my high school barkada. we all were former schoolmates. she knew the deal, i, on the other hand, had to coax him to drop by with the offer of food as bribe. they got to talk over pasta and got to talk some more when they decided to take the party elsewhere. a month later, they were boyfriend-girlfriend. him, her first. i thought she was okay, joining our barkada sessions at times and driving us around.

fast forward to 5 months later.

my hs barkada here in manila make it a point to see each other when time permits, and since we live in the same village, we decided to pick him up. it has been so long since we last seen him, not even on his birthday. as usual, 90% of his attention was on his phone, texting that girlfriend of his. being my nosy self, i read the text messages. what i read made my blood boil.

him: ...gin kadtuan ko nila sa bhaus, teh wala ko maubra, mapuli lang ko dayun 12am ya, indi man ko mag inom para indi ta mag away.

her: bhala ka da ah. tak-an ko ah. gudnyt.

him: bhe, please, asta lang 12am. indi na mangakig.

her: bhala ka da gne. last text ko na ni. indi ka lang mag expect ya nga sapakon tka bwas. wala ko labot.

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS THAT???

i regret ever inviting him over that night. i regret ever leaving you two alone at the dinner table. i regret that you are his girlfriend.

ano problema haw?? kag ngaa indi gid sya pwede katinir?? kay may kadtuan kamu bwas?? LINTE! gahambal na gne ang tawo nga mapuli na sya dayun, naga please na gne! ano ka ya?? i don't give a fuck if this is your first relationship. if you are used to having your way, you better change that attitude. and don't give me the "this is who i am" crap. relationships are about giving and taking. i have observed on two ocassions that it's always him that gives or gives-in.

ano problema mo to sang gab-i nga to?? ano wala ka salig sa mga upod ya?? mayu kon iban kami nga tawo kay! DAFOTAH! if it isn't already crystal clear to you, we were friends first before you were his girlfriend. we are friends for almost 12 years now. swerte ka kay buot sya, gina paayunan ya lang ka. PIECE OF ADVICE, don't push your luck.

natak-an ko ah! never has a barkada's girlfriend made us, me, feel not to be trusted. teh nalipay ka kay nagpuli sya kag nkwa mo gusto mo???

SALAMAT HA, SA PAGPAPALAYO SANG BARKADA NAMON SAMON. HOPE YOU ARE SO DAMN FUCKING WORTH IT.

DAFT

a guy tuned around in his seat and asked me if i lived in the kapitolyo area coz he's seen me around lots of times. he then took a seat in front of me and began talking about his business ventures and a certain potty spray, while i am eating my chicken fillet. manners please. anyways, he went on and on about it, that he has a manpower agency, that he hires girls for watson's, that if i'd like we can have coffee at nipa hut because they have a great view, to asking for my number.

***

i was about to cross the street when someone called out "miss!" and asked if i have theater background. i told him no, which he responded with, "you must be a model" crap. has that line ever worked for you, mister?? he said he's a director and he is always on the lookout for talents. he asked lots of questions and, also, he asked for my number. i gave him dean's phone number.

***

on both these ocassions, i was wearing my favorite get-up: shorts, shirt and tsinelas. i don't know what it is with manilenos and shorts. to think that they should be used to it because, well, this is manila. ilonggos don't even give a damn how short your skirt or shorts are. i am inclined to think that maybe they thought i am someone loose, but aside from the legs, i am not showing anything else. meaning, thoracic area all properly draped, no cleavage since there is nothing to show. my hair is also pulled back in a labandera look fashion. no curls or waves to suggest anything but i-just-got-out-of-bed-i-haven't-even-rubbed-my-eyes-let-alone-brush-my-teeth thing.

the guys are about in their 30's. OMG. do i look like DOM fodder?? oh i hope not. surely 2 of the 30's men population is not a reliable statistic source. i will just think that people around my neighborhood are really friendly or are just feeling sorry for me because i look hungry. haha.

FINALLY

it's here! it's here! delivery guy arrived at 12:15pm. they gave me ten years!!! ten fabulous years!!!

BAW DIYOS KO, SALAMAT GID YA! SALAMAT! SALAMAT!

SUPPER

picture removed at request of subject [dean]

this was from the day before THE interview. the supposedly proverbial last supper. supper at 3am. hahaha. also i just wanna stress how dean looks good in a pink racerback top. MY pink racerback top. lol.

lechon kawali ang mangoes

THANKSGIVING

so of course, because of the good news, i felt like celebrating. i wanted to treat myself and dean to a good meal, and to say thanks.

A BIG THANK YOU

to Heavenly forces, who maybe think that i am now ready for this
to mama, for her support, for being stubborn and not giving up on me,
despite the financial problems
to my aunts and uncles, also for the unwavering support
to jini and emery, my constant YM mates who made me feel better
after that first bout of depression
and of course
to dean, for understanding, support and the sacrifices you had to make
for this.. for me.

but since dean is the only one here, he's the only one who enjoyed the feast. or at least pretended to enjoy it. hehe.
i can now add laswa to my growing list of Food I Sorta Know How To Cook.

to others, feast might mean eating out, for me,having lived on fast food, it's a home cooked meal. so i tried my hand at making laswa ang sinugba nga tilapia. although everything was labeled, i did not know the names of the green, leafy vegetables used in laswa, much less what they're called in tagalog, so i just scrutinized everything on the vegetable section, with constant mutterings of "ah, daw amo ni bala mo, daw prehos man tsura" while dredging up my last laswa meal memory. ang tilapia? wala kabato ang isda eh. haha!

thanks to tita pinky.

STORY

my previous post was short because i was still overwhelmed by the fact that what had been so out of reach is finally mine. i did not breathe a word to anyone about reapplying because i was afraid to jinx it and, i don't think i could cope with another depression. i had second thoughts about seeing it through because there were a lot of odds.

my employer's country manager told me that unless i pull my hair back and look professional, i'm not gonna get approved plus the fact that my mom is there. she said i look like i'm in high school, and not a professional. she also said that she's tired of issuing reconsideration letters. WTF?? at the back of my head, i know that i have 90% chance of getting turned down again, but you are supposed to be the one supporting me! and about the issue that i look like i'm in high school, you're just jealous coz you look like you're already decomposing while still alive. she sucked the last strands of hope i have. you tell me if this isn't professional enough.


the day before the interview, i went to posh and modern hospital to get my work certificate. the coordinator already made it the saturday before and left it on the supervisor's desk for him to sign when he gets in. i knocked and told him i'm gonna pick it up. i saw it lying on his desk, but he told me to wait in the next room. i waited 30 minutes. 30 minutes for him to just sign the fucking certificate which wouldn't even take him 30 seconds! pa importante pa ang gago ya. i had to get to the bank before it closes at 3pm so i asked him if it was done because i have important stuff to attend to. wala ko labot kon supervisor ka, apurahon ta ka ya.

asshole: ano nga name mo?
me: zarina pasia.
asshole: ok

i closed the door, then opened it again.

me: sir, andyan na sa table mo, nilagay na ni sir coordinator sa table mo.
asshole: oo, eto na nga, pipirmahan ko.

GAGO GID YA. KITA YA MAN GALEH, GIN PAHULAT YA PA KO 30 MINUTES SAMTANG GA ANO SYA? GA COMPUTER? PA IMORTANTE AH.

that says a lot about a person. he must be so insecure that he has to make people miserable just so he could feel superior. what a pity.

anyways, i got the certificate, WHICH I DID NOT USE ANYWAY, went to the bank and to my agency. i got to talk to the real employer and it warms my heart to see and feel the support that he gave me. he even wanted to come to the interview. now i know why he is successful: because he is a good person.

i wasn't able to sleep the whole night, and i wasn't able to grab some breakfast. i just made myself a cuppa coffee and downed it in 4 gulps. by the time my number was called, my heart was hammering so hard, it threatened to pop outta my chest. i had to place my hands on the ledge in front of me to steady myself because i was shaking like a leaf. the consul asked like four questions, with an eternity of silence in between. i just kept my mouth shut when he wasn't talking to me because everytime he stays silent and taps away on his keyboard, i shook less and less and my hopes go higher and higher.
i remember that manager said to not smile, be serious. i smiled a lot. i unintentionally kept cutting the consul when he spoke, must've been the nerves that make me talk fast. i tend to smile at myself when i make blunders. after garbling the words that make up my fozen shoulder treatment plan, he spoke the magic words.

okay, you are approved, please go to delbros to facilitate the shipping of your visa.

YAHOO! i hurriedly got out of his space before he can change his mind.

so right now, i am waiting for the visa. it should've been in my hands yesterday but apparently, i was too deep in sleep to hear the delivery guy knocking. i woke up at 11:30am ang waited until afternoon. it was not only when i went out the apartment when i saw this:


missed them by thirty minutes! i keep thinking that maybe they just did not knock hard enough. hell, i've had things delivered here before and i will always hear the delivery guy. are delbros deliverers so soft spoken? i just think they did not try hard enough to be sure if there are people inside! so i posted this on the door:



it's 11:40am now and they're still not here. the anxiety is eating me.

SALAMAT

third time's the charm.

thank you, GOD!

NEW

with liz and josie at abbodanza pizzeria. my colleagues and co-conspirators. haha.

FEEL

i think he likes it. lol.

THE DATE

will walk to the ends of the earth with you.
i love you.

LIST

i am on iloilobloggers.com!

it's not until i read a comment from tinay, that i checked the site and saw my picture in it. i am all for ilonggos uniting, so if you are ilonggo ang a blogger, join the fun!

click here, then click ABOUT above the header and follow the breadcrumbs.

see ya!

FOUR

who would've thought? :0)

1996

i thought you were cute. nice hair.
i caught you staring at me.
i gave you the finger.
coz she had a crush on you.

wrong timing.


1999

you call me at home.
i call you at home. i talk, you listen.
you decided to visit.
first thing you saw was him,
running out of the classroom.

wrong timing.


2001

you send text messages.
you call me at home.
i talk, you still just listen.
you had someone.
you were my 6th dance,
he was my last rose.

wrong timing.


2004

in that shabby, makeshift pee hole.
where the wall doesn't meet the roof,
your lips met mine.

worst timing.

but,

will i choose
water over wine?
Hold the wheel and
DRIVE.


2008

we are
far from perfect.

even better.

we are
JUST RIGHT.
has been for FOUR fuckingly, fantagasmicly, fabulous years.

api!

I LOVE YOU, BIE.
SO MUCH.

COUNTDOWN

3 weeks down, 6 more to go at posh and modern hospital. so far, there's someone from home who's so spectacular; you speak to the person in parseltongue and she answers in gibberish! amazing!

the chief thinks you still owe your existence to him and even though you make that goddamn hospital more than 10k a day, not only do you not get a cent, you don't even get free water. because of that, i am in absentia for three days. haha. have fun trying to explain to some of my self-important patients why their therapist is not in. *inta laugh*

a colleague had his last day yesterday. i think everything happens for a reason. it's up to you to determine whether it will be a reason for worse or better. maybe you just need a breather or a distraction to assess what you want. you're young, enjoy life. fcuk being underpaid.

pussy-eaterPompyang told colleagueA not to take my patients when endorsed it because i had to leave for an emergency. FYI, she volunteered to take them because she was vacant. suck my drainpipe. haha!

so far, it's been getting better. Operation Autistic is well underway. hahahahaha!

SUBLIMINAL

i did my usual routine of checking my blogrolls, especially my iloilo list. an entry from iloiloviews.com titled "Frank And Coal" sparked my interest. as a Greenpeace advocate, i am all for preserving the climate and environment.

now i am more inclined to believe that all these grand dreams about iloilo rising to the top, an urbanized iloilo, one that has a hotel strip, an IT center and temples of commercialism, had always been carrying this subliminal message: coal fired power plant, GO!

WE salute the five governors of W. Visayas for petitioning Pres. GMA to revoke the environmental clearance certificate (ECC) issued by the DENR to Patay Power to erect the coal fired power plant.

Mayor Jerry Trenas was heard grumbling against the “interferfence by outsiders” adding that they “embarrassed” him.
No, he should not be embarrassed. He should be ashamed for being stupid. His family was nearly wiped out when typhoon “Frank” struck June 20-21, that in turn is blamed on global warming that sends the climate haywire and turns storms fiercer and dry spells hotter.

Instead of joining local and international initiatives, like RISE where his bayaw Dok Kristin Trenas belongs, he’d rather join corporate arrogance and greed that Patay Power – Global Business Power represents. He should be ashamed for being stupid enough to miss that pollution has no borders, the coal-fired plant will not poison Iloilo City alone, and that that he has no right to pollute the air, sea and soil of Iloilo city (which also will spread beyond it. [sic]

read more here: Frank and Coal, Iloiloviews.com

i've said it before, let's not forget what happened recently. let's not forget the news about the pregnant lady up on their roof the whole night out in the rain. let's not forget the families who lost their livelihood and family. let's not forget that it's our fault.

we are the thinking, logical living organisms. we all know about causes and effects. whereas nature, as i see it, lives by Newton's third law: every action has an opposite and equal reaction. hurt it, and it WILL hurt us back.

i've always believed that experience IS the best teacher. we should, by now, know better.

PS

i have started my first business venture, without any capital! haha. dunno if this'll work.. if it doesn't, wala man sang may madula sakon...

check it out.

RATION

mama sent me cooked food from Iloilo. namit naman kaon ko eh. haha. i have here pork adobo, lukon, karne frita, lechon kawali, lukos and chicharon. MMMMMM....

ay may swiss miss pa gle, ulihi ko na nakita sa box.. SALAMAT!!!

ABA

what's the right term, herd of sheep or flock of sheep? i called the bunch of jumping pink sheep below my chatterbox, HERD. waddaya think?
**********

dean said the english translation of kasarang is "the nerve" hmm.. o man nu?

**********

i am tired. my legs hurt from walking to and fro, to and fro, to and fro the rehab. it's been a while. but i am still thankful that my legs hurt from walking to and fro, to and fro, to and fro inside the rehab; other people can't even stand.